That’s what I describe myself and my friends too. Before I discovered the personality types, enneagram, and such, I considered myself as an odd one in the room full of extroverts and normal kids - I, daydreamed a lot and attended to my inner world. They said that I have my own world when I was in highschool and I silently agreed because I prefer my imagination than interacting with my classmates - which was weird to others.
My elementary friends were only one and the misfits of the section. But my friendship with them didn’t last, only in that grade and then I lost communication. I was unattached and too independent, not relying on my classmates or others when it comes to assignments - even Math despite my dislike of the subject. I could manage back then because it was Arithmetic - not with letters when I reached highschool.
Then, one day, I went to the computer shop to just spend time in the Internet. Mindlessly browsing and listening to Kpop songs. I was curious about what could possibly my personality can be so I took a test. A personality type. I didn’t even know that time that it’s MBTI. I didn’t know that discovering that I am an INFP made me understand myself even before. That I am unique and there’s nothing wrong with me, being aloof, silent, and shy when I was younger. As a teenager, apart from my peers who also went through puberty, crushing on boys, pretty-ing themselves, I was busy reading books and frequently enjoyed my alone time and worlds inside my head. To the point of talking to myself. That they noticed. My highschool friends whom I have connection until now that were adults, told me that I was a nerd before.
But as time goes by, I learned to accept myself. Of truly who I am. Knowing my worth as I reached my twenties.
A reserved, silent, nonchalant yet sensitive child as she grew up. She had a bad eyesight since then so she wore a pair of eyeglasses in 3rd grade (that early). She was friends with the odd girl and misfits every grade but the friendship didn’t last and she remained unattached until she reached highschool. Back then, somebody would that she had her own world and she silently agreed and for others, she’s just weird and smart in her own way. But deep inside, she was an average, ordinary, and aloof girl who didn’t mind how unruly her hair was or how dull her bare face. Underneath that silent exterior lies a girl with low self-confidence and who believes that when you are active and participative in the class, you’re smart and brilliant. But later on, as she reached childhood, your intelligence and character didn’t have to be in a spoken manner but beneath what’s inside you.
She knew that she has her own way of organizing her things – it’s being messy. To ‘normal’ people, arranging things may be A to Z, but she? She’s not. If she’s in the mood, she’ll organize her things but sometimes, her forgetful nature would mess up her organization. She has a very short attention span and sometimes has a couple of ‘short-term’ memory loss moments yet ironically, she could remember the smallest details of her friends and the things she values a lot.
It’s her habit to zone out from conversations, unintentional or not. Sometimes, when she’s so focus, she forgot her surroundings and just laser-focused on her work or any activities she does. As a teenager before, she didn’t know what she wants or her dreams when she grew up but she knew that she’s interested in languages, history and human relationships. Guided by her inner values and principles in life as well as her intense emotions, she likes to understand the deeper meaning of life. As she grew up, she’s still the same potato who has a very bad fashion sense and always pick clothes that were comfy for her. Her addiction to any shades of blue started from her toddler era where she picked denim jumpers instead of girly items. Even as a child, she has an inner rich world, contented of walking from the daycare center and watched cartoons on TV from a random house that she passed by.
Growing up, she realized in her teenage years that sometimes you are a subject to abuse, mistreatment, discrimination, bullying, and unfairness when you’re too kind, too aloof and almost misunderstood your silent nature most of the time. And her gentle and mysterious nature may be a magnet to narcissistic, arrogant, and odd people that may damaging for someone empathetic. The intensity of her emotions are deeper than the rest so she really needs to stay away from disturbing, dark and negative things – to preserve her peace of mind and mental health.
Socializing, interacting, constantly bombarded by people’s questions, or anything that involves the crowd, chatter, and people in general may overwhelm her. So to speak, overstimulated by her surroundings make her feel tired and easily gets drained. Her social battery takes time to be full and be ready for the next full blast of interaction. Introvert in nature, she’s not the type who easily gets scared when she’s alone in the bathroom. When her classmates wanted to have a bathroom break together, she preferred being alone. Until she reached college, she didn’t want to stay longer in ‘group of friends’ that she didn’t vibe with or has signs that she didn’t like so she stayed away and enjoyed her own company. But she always treasure her friendships, from her elementary years to her present. Despite of that, she loves to enjoy solitude and admire the changing nature and weather – the sunrise, sunsets, the blue nights, the starry and starless nights.
A person may know a person for years yet only know the surface level of her personality, thoughts, emotions, and values. And she’s like that to others whom she had reasons not to show her real self. Weird, she’s unconventional when it comes to her fashion sense and always didn’t care of how she looks to others. To a fault that even a mismatch colors of clothes doesn’t matter that much.
Carefree. One day, when she hanged in a public library, she chose the two fish colored in blue and white scales. She randomly chose that and there was an explanation of the symbol – she’s an independent, carefree, or free soul. That’s what she is. She’s spontaneous, impulsive at times, and decide things randomly on a day-to-day basis. As a free soul, she dives into different interests and want to explore new experiences. She’s brave enough to try new things yet discontinuing it sometimes when her interest dies out.
A creative weirdo. She values self-expression. She express herself through writing, art, singing, craft and such that relay her thoughts, emotions, and alleviate her stress. She needs external experiences to quiet down the storms inside her. It’s very important for her to write, write, and write endlessly to express whatever she’s experiencing, in journaling or sharing it in the Internet.
A messy, scattered, carefree and creative weirdo. She’s just a human being just like others, unique and trying to live in her own way.