Being in late twenties sometimes made me ponder of the choices and decisions that I made over the years. For anyone’s timeline or the ideal notion of adulthood, I should be living on my own but for economic reasons, it’s difficult to achieve it knowing that properties prices were skyrocketing and it may take your whole life to own one. It’s the reality of people of my generation or my age or anyone who’s living in a third world country. I could not say that I have a stable job that guarantees a long-term career and let’s get real, who would expect you to write forever? With the advent of the AI, I am not sure if I can keep doing this career – writing professionally. At this age, I barely have savings to live on my own, still supporting my family in financial aspects and my dreams were still on the line, on pause but life in our twenties means you’re still treading the adulthood era, making sense of it all. An era of being lost a lot of times. I don’t know if my resentment stems from having a challenging environment or a resentment that was borne out of underlying issues that I just put in the backburner – my depression, my fear and doubts, my trauma and my dreams and even poverty.
The economic challenges of this lifetime were another phase and another era of just managing our life in the face of inflation, corruption within the government, and life struggles, and expectations of adulthood to marry, raise a child, secure a house, and stable career. The pressure of being a failure at this age holds much weight on my mind. I’m a late bloomer when it comes to the expected timeline that you should finish schooling at this age and start to look for a job at this age, marry at this age and stuff. But with the challenges and issues that we have right now, many adults find themselves, meeting ends meet and skeptical of doing things that adults should expected to have in their ages. We have more considerations, and instead of focusing on the benchmark of being a successful and happy adult in the eyes of many. Sometimes, it’s unavoidable to compare my life to others – pondering if I was a failure or I was just limiting myself instead of taking risks to be who I am I want to be, but this can be hard knowing that I am not a risk-taker myself in the first place. I am this average adult who only wants to live by my means, just a simple living and can afford things on my own. Do you really have to degrade yourself for being not like others? For not having a car, a partner, a house, a successful career, travel budget and other things that others may perceive as their happiness. What about the loneliness and emptiness that you feel inside? That weighs on you more than the fleeting happiness of eating ice cream. But this cannot reject the idea of enjoying small bits of happiness despite the depression and anxiety of the future.
Undeniably, there will come to a point when you need to choose the direction of your life, because we are the navigators of our life, and the only thing that we can control is how we act upon a problem or a challenge that may come to us. Sometimes, you have to make a space to yourself instead of just focusing on what lacking on you, instead of thinking that money is the problem that hinder your goals, instead of punishing yourself for not being as successful like others because your journey is different. My journey is different for others. I am the architect of my life and even if I feel lost right now, I know that I will find my way and accept the detours that will come into my life.