It’s been so many days I haven’t written a piece where I can say that my creativity flows freely like a river. One of the activities to counter my writing slump was to write an essay that was filled with my point of view regarding the political landscape of the Philippines. I have written four essays about that. But even so, I’m still stuck with writing anything creative. I even created a Substack publication in order to just write down my personal experiences like this platform, but instead of overcoming my writing slump, I keep getting stuck. Even until now.
I could not find the right words. Sometimes, I think that I cannot regain that writer part of me who can write written pieces that contain metaphors and subtle nuances. I wrote short prose, which is sometimes free-flowing. Sometimes, it is very difficult to describe my emotions through words, even when translating my ideas into words nowadays. Am I losing my creativity? My authenticity? My soul? As an INFP, this is a big deal to me. It’s losing a part of me that is filled with colors that I can convey through words.
I’m still dealing with my writing slump. I want to write. Yes, I write today. But I am not content with how I structure my sentences. I am not content with choosing my words in writing this rant essay. I have been an emotional mess these days. I’m on a rollercoaster lately and I want to express this in writing but even though my mind tells me to express this in writing, I shut up. It happened. That moment when I suddenly stopped searching for the right words to convey my ideas, my feelings and my emotions.
Now, I figuratively shut my reality by turning to hobbies, like crocheting. I’m creating a bag after finishing two laptop sleeves. But I really want to write. Eagerly. So I am starting again by writing this. Ranting about having a writing slump.
Having a writing slump or writer’s block is a nightmare to writers. Especially when I write to express the excesses of my mind, escape from reality, and put down everything. Writing is a therapeutic outlet to me. It is not a hobby that can destroy you like drugs, alcohol, and other harmful outlets. I need this badly to release pent-up emotions and rewire my brain. Writing is a way to untangle my thoughts and put all of what’s been bothering me for some time now.
I miss writing my thoughts through handwriting. Through pen and notebooks. I bought notebooks to appease myself. Even though it means having more notebooks to fill but cannot find time to write even though my work shift gives me free time to decide whether I’ll be productive or just take a rest from the long day of work – starting from early in the morning. That’s why I go back to crocheting and invest on it, creating crochet projects that I may use someday once it’s finished.
But I know that my writings cannot be perfect in the first draft. I know that I have still have lot to learn. Especially when I read essays from various writers in the world with English as their native language or even in third language, but perfectly convey their thoughts through words. Sometimes, the one that destroys my ability to regain my motivation to write again is comparison. In this space, no one can see or read my entries. GitHub is a perfect space for me who does not want to be seen online. This is just a space where I can share personal experiences without thinking about perfecting my grammar.
Maybe I forgot the beauty of writing. Where you can just express or write down your thoughts unapologetically in the notebook. Away from the strangers from the Internet. But a record of thoughts and experiences - that I can go back to.